The price of admission.


I love being a boudoir photographer. I love it the way a dog loves sticking its head out of a car window: with every fiber of my being. Every time someone appears in front of my camera, nerves jangling, self-doubt bubbling up like bad indigestion, I get to do something extraordinary. I get to coach them into seeing themselves the way I see them. I become part cheerleader, part guide, part magician. It’s a hell of a thing to watch a person unfold in front of my lens. And yet, dear reader, it takes a special kind of woman to date a guy like me.


Now, I am not some brooding, emotionally stunted artist. I do not sit in a dark room whispering poetry to my photographs. I am a sweetheart. I talk about my feelings. I like feelings. I share my life and thoughts with the people I care about. And yet, time and again, there is one enormous elephant sitting smack dab in the middle of any potential relationship: my work.


Because, you see, my work(even beyond boudoir) is full of women. Models, musicians, actresses, and everyday people who trust me to see them. REALLY see them. And that, my friends, is a hard thing for a partner to accept. The voice in their head starts whispering, "What if?" and "Why her?" and "How do I know?" And before long, what was once exciting and new starts to curdle.


I don’t blame them. I really don’t. Most of us have been cheated on. Most of us have lived through moments where trust felt like a bad joke. And so, when my most recent love interest found herself staring down the reality of my life, she couldn’t quite find her footing. The red flags in her mind started waving themselves into knots.


And just like that, another promising spark fizzled out.


Here’s the funny thing: I get it. If the roles were reversed, maybe I’d struggle too. But here’s the other funny thing: I wouldn’t change a damn thing. Because the universe has a way of telling you what’s meant for you. And right now, the universe has decided that my time is better spent making my clients feel incredible rather than soothing someone else’s insecurities.


I didn’t have to share this story. It’s not required reading for a boudoir blog, after all. I could’ve pretended my dating life is thriving, that I am drowning in love, that everything is peachy. But the truth is, the price of admission to my world is high. Not everyone is willing to pay it, and that’s okay.


Because I’ve got cameras, film and memory cards, and a never ending stream of people who need to be reminded that they are art. And so, I keep clicking, coaching, and connecting. Because in the end, I truly love what I do. And for now, maybe forever, that’s enough.